Two years ago

Dear Riley,

I cannot believe it. Two years ago, at this time, shortly after midnight, I arrived at Mercy General Hospital in Sacramento. My water had broken at just about 11pm. When we arrived, we were so optimistic that I would get to have the birth that I dreamed of. That I could do this with no meds. My water broke...that meant that my body was responding to you wanting out and I would not have to have that cesarean.

Yeah, not happening. Apparently, the whole getting pregnant thing being tough wasn't enough. Now the delivery was going to be difficult! My risk of miscarriage was 85%. 15% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. My risk was opposite.

I was so set on how I wanted my delivery to go. I wanted to be able to walk. I did not want medication, at all. I wanted my mom & dad, Brads mom & dad to come in and out of the room while I was in labor. I wanted Brad with me. Yeah, I was delusional. I hear about women who are chatting and laughing until it's time to push. That is what I wanted. I wanted to enjoy my delivery. Hey, chances are high this would be my only change to do this. I wanted it to go my way!

Ah, but my body. My body chose the way it wanted things to go. Instead of my body responding to the contractions, which had started on Friday night, my body did nothing. Yep. NOTHING. I didn't even dialate to a one. Not even a ONE! I mean, that should have been easy enough, right? Yeah, guess not! Oh well.

Fortunately, my doctor was sympathetic. Instead of making me wait from midnight until the time of my planned c-section at 7:30am, he came in and did it then. So, my amazing little boy, you made your entrance in the middle of the night...just like I did. 2:32am. I did not get the birth that I wanted. But I got my boy. And really, isn't what is important that you were born healthy? I guess that it doesn't matter that the dr had to cut me open, messing up my stomach muscles so that I have no control over my lower stomach, or the fact that even now, 2 years later, I still have numb spots on my lower stomach. I have my little boy.

And you are an amazing little boy. You are so happy. You are so loving. You are sweet, gentle, rough and tumble all in one. One minute, you're tackling the cat. The next, you want to cover my face in kisses. You love to jump, and run and play with your "trai", your trains. What can be cuter than a child trying to drag a cat around the house by his tail when the cat is almost as big as the child is? Oh, I know. That same child having a nightmare and the ONLY thing that can calm him is petting that same cat. As the cat lays there, purring.

You was born...isn't that all that matters? Do I wish that your birth went differently? No, not anymore. Once my friends are done having kids, and most are, no one will talk about how our babies were born until THEY are having babies. Then it might come up that I had a c-section. But who cares? It was the birth that was meant to be. What more can be said?

So, happy birthday my little man. I love you so much. You are a joy to be Mommy to. Complete strangers love you. I get comments literally every time we go out about how adorable you are. People on elevators try to make you laugh. Mom's in hotel lobbies give you lollies that they just bought for their children. Parents outside the ice cream shop in Martell love to watch you play on the grass with their children. And watching you reminds them of what their babies were like at your age. Waitresses at restaurants hug you. Tom, the owner up at Incahoots on the corner, sits and talks to your Dad and plays with your hair. Your Grandpa and Grandma do silly things, like put your picture on the couch to watch baseball with you. Your Opa got in trouble for picking you up recently because he wasn't supposed to after his surgery. But "I just can't help it!" is what he tells us.

Oh my boy, you are a joy. You have been given a gift. That gift is the gift of lovability. Everyone who sees you falls in love with you. But none of them can ever love you more than me and your Dad. We love you little man. Happy second birthday. I pray that you remain as happy as you are now.

Love,
Mommy