Lunch with a 14 yr old

I picked H up at school. We went & had lunch. And talked. Or should I say, *I* talked, *she* listened. lol

I told her about the damage that has been done to mine & my sisters relationship. How I cannot trust her, don't like her, etc. I explained that before the drugs we had been close. NOT as close as her & her sister, but closer than many. And how, because of the drugs, we were no longer close. I told her about the damage to the family. Not just our household, but aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins. How we have cousins that don't want to see her or talk to her, that don't want her around their children. I told her about having to drive home as an 8th grader, about 5 miles, because my sis was high. How I almost drove us off a bridge.

I talked to her about sex. About how my sister was having sex younger than she would have liked. How she had sex for drugs. How she had an abortion at 18. (We are 99% positive on that one, I gave it as a fact though. We know she had one, just not sure of the age.) I told her about some of the STD's that are out there. How some can kill you (AIDS), how I had to watch a beautiful friend I had die from it because of sex. How some can be with you for life. How some, if untreated, can cause infertility. I talked to her about the effects of infertility on a marriage. How it can, and does, destroy marriages. How it nearly destroyed mine. How it did destroys a friends marriage.

I let her ask me questions. And I answered her. Honestly. I told her that she can call me anytime, about anything. That I will keep her confidence, unless I deem it to be life threatening to either her or someone else. Then I will tell her mother. She understood that. I told her about going to Ala-Teen. And how talking to people there everyone's addict had started with pot. I told her, honestly, that not everyone who smokes pot goes on to use other drugs, but that most people who use other drugs started with pot.

She told me what she has used. Lord, I wanted to slap her. Angel, I need to pm you for info on some of what she has used. Any info you may have on long term effects of these things. Vicodan, Xanex, alcohol & pot. Once a vicodin laced with LSD. God, doesn't she realize THIS COULD KILL HER?

I am so sad. I was almost crying. Trust me, I am NOT one to blame parents for everything that a "precious snowflake" does, but I know this family so well. I know HER so well. I KNOW that some of this crap is a direct result of her father. You can't be anything on your own, you have to be part of the collective (family). You are nothing outside of it. God, he is so damaged! And he is damaging his children. She doesn't want to do anything with her life, and it's a direct slap in his face of what he [s]wants[/s] [s]expects[/s] DEMANDS of her.

I also talked to her about talking to her mother if she is having sex. That if she is having sex that she needs to go in for a full panel of STD tests. Even if it was one person, one time. She needs to have it done. I told her that I was pretty her mother wouldn't freak (since she hasn't, knowing that she did have sex), but that I couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't have to tell her father. Who would freak. But I told her that if she is having sex, to tell her mom this week while dad is gone with the other kids.