Lunch with a 14 yr old

I picked H up at school. We went & had lunch. And talked. Or should I say, *I* talked, *she* listened. lol

I told her about the damage that has been done to mine & my sisters relationship. How I cannot trust her, don't like her, etc. I explained that before the drugs we had been close. NOT as close as her & her sister, but closer than many. And how, because of the drugs, we were no longer close. I told her about the damage to the family. Not just our household, but aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins. How we have cousins that don't want to see her or talk to her, that don't want her around their children. I told her about having to drive home as an 8th grader, about 5 miles, because my sis was high. How I almost drove us off a bridge.

I talked to her about sex. About how my sister was having sex younger than she would have liked. How she had sex for drugs. How she had an abortion at 18. (We are 99% positive on that one, I gave it as a fact though. We know she had one, just not sure of the age.) I told her about some of the STD's that are out there. How some can kill you (AIDS), how I had to watch a beautiful friend I had die from it because of sex. How some can be with you for life. How some, if untreated, can cause infertility. I talked to her about the effects of infertility on a marriage. How it can, and does, destroy marriages. How it nearly destroyed mine. How it did destroys a friends marriage.

I let her ask me questions. And I answered her. Honestly. I told her that she can call me anytime, about anything. That I will keep her confidence, unless I deem it to be life threatening to either her or someone else. Then I will tell her mother. She understood that. I told her about going to Ala-Teen. And how talking to people there everyone's addict had started with pot. I told her, honestly, that not everyone who smokes pot goes on to use other drugs, but that most people who use other drugs started with pot.

She told me what she has used. Lord, I wanted to slap her. Angel, I need to pm you for info on some of what she has used. Any info you may have on long term effects of these things. Vicodan, Xanex, alcohol & pot. Once a vicodin laced with LSD. God, doesn't she realize THIS COULD KILL HER?

I am so sad. I was almost crying. Trust me, I am NOT one to blame parents for everything that a "precious snowflake" does, but I know this family so well. I know HER so well. I KNOW that some of this crap is a direct result of her father. You can't be anything on your own, you have to be part of the collective (family). You are nothing outside of it. God, he is so damaged! And he is damaging his children. She doesn't want to do anything with her life, and it's a direct slap in his face of what he [s]wants[/s] [s]expects[/s] DEMANDS of her.

I also talked to her about talking to her mother if she is having sex. That if she is having sex that she needs to go in for a full panel of STD tests. Even if it was one person, one time. She needs to have it done. I told her that I was pretty her mother wouldn't freak (since she hasn't, knowing that she did have sex), but that I couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't have to tell her father. Who would freak. But I told her that if she is having sex, to tell her mom this week while dad is gone with the other kids.

So it has been a while

LOL

Christmas was awesome but sucked. When Riley felt well enough to actually enjoy himself it was fun. Otherwise it sucked. We all got really sick the day after Christmas. REALLY sick. Brad & I were running fevers up to 103-104*. It was awful. We were sick from the day after Christmas & went to the drs on the 30th. I had a sinus infection & breathing problems, Brad had a lung infection & breathing problems. So we both went on antibiotics & inhalers. Riley was fine by then. Of course. lol But we're better now. Mostly. I'm still using the inhalers.

My sis called my folks the other day. She is getting married. We're hoping that we can make it out to Philly for the wedding. They are planning on the end of summer & so it just depends on when they do it. If it's too late in Aug school will be in & if I have a job then I won't be able to go. And I can't NOT take a job just because my sis is getting married.

A little Riley funny, then I'm off to get this day going. The other night he had napped late. When he woke up he wasn't really awake. So I said to him "Let's go watch Lumpy Halloween ("Heffalump Halloween", a Pooh movie) & eat noodles." So he came out of his room. Brad looked at him and said "Or we can watch Stargate." "NO!!!!!! 'TARGATE BOKEN!" (Stargate broken!) Oh, it was too funny. Course, once the Pooh movie was over he wanted to watch Stargate. lol Yes, my 3 year old watches Stargate SG-1. lol

Alright, gonna get work done here! Later!

I'm a little ticked

You know, when someone is losing their f'ing mind and isn't acting normal for them wouldn't you think that someone close to them would notice and SAY SOMETHING!? Needless to say, I'm a little ticked that NO ONE either noticed that I was acting odd or that NO ONE SAID A FUCKING THING TO ME ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooooo pissed.

I am so tired of listening to everyone bitch about their lives but no one takes the fucking time to listen to ME when I feel like EVERY FUCKING THING IS FALLING APART!

Yeah, I'm pissed, can ya tell?

I wasn't acting like myself for a few weeks and no one bothered to say a damn thing.

I think he's part cat.

You know how when cat's do something stupid, like fall off something, they get that look like "I meant to do that" or "I didn't really fall, you imagined it"? Yeah, that's my kid!!

I'm in the living room & B is getting R in jammies in my room. I hear this loud THUD! Well, both cats are with me. Here's the conversation:

THUD!

Me: Did he just fall off the bed?

Brad: Yes.

Riley: NO!

Brad: Yes you did!

R: No I didn't!!

B: Yes you did!

R: NO I DIDN'T!!

B: Yes you did, you just didn't cry!


And no, he didn't cry. But I am!!

I am thankful for...

My Dad
Ma-ie
Girls


That is the list my 3 year old gave his daycare lady when asked what he was thankful for to put it on the Thankful Tree.

Frigging goat in my road!

So I live in the boonies. I've been caught in a cattle drive trying to get out of town, just to give you an idea of what it's like here.


I'm driving home tonight. R is in the backseat, B is in his car behind us. THERE WAS A FRIGGING GOAT IN THE ROAD!!!!!!! Not a deer, not a cow (cow pasture next to me), A FRIGGING GOAT!!!

Now, understand, I HATE goats. I despise them. They are evil and I hate them all because they are goats. There is zero need for goats on this planet and they shouldn't be here. Can you tell me anything good that goats do? No, because they don't do anything good. They are stupid and evil.

So what do I do? I stop, completely, to make sure that the goat gets into the field. Flash my lights at the car coming toward me to let them know that something is going on (common practice around here when an animal is in the road). Had to honk my horn before the stupid frigging goat went into the field.

The rest of the way home, about 10 min, I'm muttering about the frigging goat in the road. Get home, B goes to pull R out of the car seat and R looks at him and says "Frigging goat in road Daddy!" LMBO!!

Thank God I said "frigging" and not what I was thinking!!! I thought the little monkey was asleep.


A FRIGGING GOAT IN THE ROAD!!! My God. And to think I thought that I'd never see another animal in the road that would surprise me!

R almost got kidnapped today!

Or at least I *thought* he was!

We were outside the restaurant after lunch, which was in a casino. So a lot of people. R was playing with my sis's bf. I was looking at my uncle. I see, out of the corner of my eye, a gray arm go around R. OMG!

I turned, sliding my purse down my arm to hit the person in the head with it. As I turn I notice, "OH SHIT! That's DAD!" LMBO!

He had come back inside, walked up and grabbed R from behind to tickle him.

I told him that he almost got whacked with my purse and why. He said "Good!" So at least he was understanding! lol

Train show

Well, R has been dry since last Mon, Nov. 3. I need to wash one more load of diapers because there have been a couple used, but that's it. I'm DONE WASHING DIAPERS!!!!! He is still in a 'sposie over night and at nap time, but that's it. Over 3 years of washing diapers 3 times a week, DONE!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!

Sat we took him to a train show. It was fun. He always has fun at these things. I took some pics of one of the layouts and the men running the layout want me to email the pics so that they can put them on the web site. :) Anyway, the train show was fun.

We're watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas" right now. R loves this movie. It's a little weird that he loves it so much. But he LOVES Jack. lol And amazing to me that he'll sit through it. But he loves it. Tries to remove heads like Jack can remove his too. lol Kids!

Today is veterans day. So no school today for the district, which means no subbing. And tomorrow I go to the neurologist. So nothing for tomorrow. Hopefully something for Thurs. And Fri. And next week too. I'm stressing with no jobs. I want to be working. I was counting on the extra money for Christmas. :(

Oh well, time to get on with my day! Later!

So tired

I had my MRI today. To do it I had to take 2 Ativan's. I did fine. But that was at 9 this morning. It's 6:50 & I'm still a little bit loopy. Tons of fun.

The election is over

And I'm happy and sad about results. About par for things like this!!


Barack Obama will become the President of the United States on January 20, 2009. I'm not thrilled with this. His views are very socialistic. And while I was once a socialist myself, I do not think that it is the right way for the country to go. Many political experts think that he will lean more centrist when he takes office. We will see.

In California, 95% of precincts are reporting, so some things could change.

Prop 1A, which is a bond that would bring high speed rail to California, is currently passing. 52% to 48%.

Prop 2, which gives basic animal rights to farm animals, passed 63% to 37%. YAY!! This means that the animals should have time to get out of cages and move.

Prop 3, a bond measure to support specific children's hospitals in Southern Cali, is passing. 55% to 45%. This should have been regional to the areas that would use this.

Prop 4, which would require parental notification of a minor having an abortion 48 hrs prior, did not pass. 52% say no, 48% say yes. I'm saddened by this. The school nurse can't give your 17 year old senior an aspirin but a dr can rip another life out of your daughter and you might never know. Taking an aspirin doesn't usually have physical or emotional effects. An abortion does 100% of the time.

Prop 5, which would allow non-violent drug offenders to go to rehab rather than jail has lost. 60% to 40%.

Prop 6, which would give a certain amount of money to fire and police resources has lost. IMO, the amount they are asking is far too much for a state with financial woes. It's 69% to 31%.

Prop 7, which would require a certain percentage of our energy to come from renewable sources by 2010 failed. The time frame isn't do-able. The new plants wouldn't be able to be built in that time. 65% to 35% for that one.

Prop 8 saddens me. A state constitutional amendment to make marriage between one man and one woman. Which forbids gays fro getting married. CIVIL RIGHTS ANYONE!? 52% to 48%. I keep hoping and praying that this can turn around with the last 5%.

Prop 9 has more notification to victims for court dates, hearing, parole hearings, etc. It's passing, 53% to 47%.

Prop 10 would be bonds that would give money to people for buying cars that run on alternative fuels. Absolutely a stupid idea. 60% no to 40% yes.

Prop 11 would have committees formed for redistricting rather than just having redistricting done by the reps. (this is so stupid to have to vote on! Isn't it common sense that redistricting is done by the people so that they can keep their jobs?) 51% to 49%. I think some people (*coughcoughpoliticianscoughcough*) voted more than once on this. Cuz if people were not stupid this would make sense.

Prop 12 gives loan assistance to vets for buying homes and farms. Apparently it's been in place since WWI. It's passed, 63% to 37%.


Locally, two of the three people I wanted for city counsel were reelected. And I don't know what will happen with the 3rd. They have the same percent of votes, 17%, but are separated by 2 points. So I don't know if they will have to refight it out or if the one with more votes gets it.

And our county Measure M that will allow us to have non-volunteer fire fighters has passed. 69% to 31%. YAY!!!! We can have PAID fire protection now!!

So, I'm saddened by Obama being elected. I'm saddened by Prop 8 being shot down. I'm saddened by Prop 4 not happening.

I'm thrilled by Prop 7. And I'm thrilled by Prop 2 (hey, I WAS a member of PETA!).

We'll see what changes really happen.

OMG

I am so tired. I have been being climbed on for HOURS. I kid you not, R wanted to watch Nemo but he hasn't actually SAT for it. He's been climbing over ME instead! Little monkey.

Election Day

Today is Election Day in the US. I don't care how you vote. Just VOTE. Make sure that you're educated on the issues and go VOTE. This is more important than anyone realizes. We have a wonderful right in this country. GO EXERCISE IT!!

Later!

Halloween

Halloween was soooo much FUN! R was a blue butterfly, per his own request. He was so excited about it. It was cute. Everyone thought that he was adorable. And, of course, he was!!

Tomorrow is election day. Thank God! I am so DONE with this election cycle. I am tired of hearing what's wrong with the other guy . . . I wanna hear what YOU ARE going to do! I don't care that you THINK that Obama is gonna align us with terrorist, or that McCain is the devil. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO????????? I am so tired of it. Honestly, anyone who is currently in politics should not be allowed to run again. I'm just done. We need a revolution in this country, and we need it soon.

I can't believe it. Starbucks, Krispy Kreme and Ben & Jerry's are giving away free things for voting. I can't believe that that is necessary to get people to vote. Well, no I can. In general, people are stupid and need to be bribed to do what is right for themselves.

Anyway, gonna get this living room clean! If you're a U.S. citizen, VOTE TOMORROW!

Later!

Star Trek

"Can we watch Star Trek?" That's what I was asked tonight. Followed by "Or Star Gate?" BY MY 3 YEAR OLD!!! lol R is a sci-fi geek. It's too funny.

At least he knows his shapes

The other week I thought that Riley knew circle, square, triangle, oval and diamond. He made some noises that made me think that he knew heart but I wasn't 100%. I am now.


Unfortunately I know this because he peed on my couch. The shape looked a bit like a lopsided heart. *sigh* His comment was "Look Mama! I peed a HEART!"


At least he knows his shapes.

I need to watch my language

LOL The other night I tripped over a toy in R's room and then stepped on another toy. My response, logically, was "SHIT!" R, of course, responded with "SHIT!" B went in, and when leaving tripped over the same toy. Riley yelled, "SHIT!" LOL I shouldn't have laughed, but how could I not? It was hysterical! We did have a talk about appropriate language though.

Today was just running around. Went to a craft fair. Bought R a train puzzle that he'll get for Christmas. I don't know what else he'll get this year. Haven't thought that far ahead! lol He's showing more interest in things this year though, so there will be some serious thought going into it. And he's into more than just trains.

Bought him his Halloween costume. He's being a blue butterfly. Yep, that's right, a BLUE BUTTERFLY. My SON. lol It's so cute! He is so excited. But today at KMart we found blue butterfly wings and antenna for $5. And I bought him navy blue sweats and long sleeved t-shirt the other night. Now that I think about it though, they should be black. *shrug* Oh well, I'll buy black too!

Alright, gotta get ready for our trip!!!

Later!

What a week!

R is just being a monster. I don't know what the deal is, the fact that we just had a full moon? IDK, but it's awful! He talks back, tells me to shut up, doesn't do what I tell him, all of it. It's like he's a teenager at 3! He is just foul.

Today we were playing and he kicked me in the head. Yep, on purpose! Needless to say THAT didn't fly! lol He is napping now. He needs it. I think that's part of the problem, not enough sleep. I hope this improves his mood when he wakes up.

I can't figure out what's up. My bank account isn't balancing out. I can't figure out what I did. But it's a HUGE difference. We're talking over $100 off. At this point I just can't do anything with it because I have to wait for things to clear. Some of it will be explained when the two things from yesterday post but that isn't all of it either. ARGH! I HATE when this happens. :(

Went to the outlets yesterday with K & the girls. Bought R some jammies. And underwear. I need to get him jeans and some long sleeved shirts too. Looking at size charts yesterday I realize that he's taller than I thought! lol It's easy to ignore when it's hot and he's in shorts all the time. But now that he's in pants and long sleeves it's hard to ignore. You know, when the sleeves don't reach the wrists it's a bad thing. lol

I got a lot of stuff done today though. I got the rest of the laundry done & put away. Put the dishes away. Made breakfast. Washed the sheets. Taught R to make his bed and to hang up his shirts. There was more, but I don't remember what it was now. lol

I'm just tired today. It's gloomy out. But it's over 80*'s. Oh well. It's fall. It shouldn't be this warm out. But whatever. *shrug* Not like I can change it.

Oh well, I'm gonna try to sell some books on half.com. Later!

Feeling somewhat better

It's been a long few days. But I'm feeling somewhat better.

I. cannot. handle. this.

Is it too much to fucking ask that someone, anyone, remembers that a year ago I lost a baby? Even my stupid ass fucking HUSBAND didn't remember. And when I mentioned that I was having a rough fucking time, what is his response? To go back to sleep. Fuck him. Fuck everyone.

I'm had 3 miscarriages. And what do people say? First it was "Well, at least you got pregnant." Fuck you. Now it's "Be thankful for the one you have." Double fuck you, asshole. Because mourning the ones I lost somehow means that I am NOT thankful for Riley? I hate people. I am sick of acting like these losses didn't matter.

They DID matter, and they DO matter. They were little PEOPLE. They were PART of ME. I hate everyone right now. And yes, that includes Brad. I don't hate Riley. He's too little to know.

I'm just done.

I can't handle this.

I can't handle hurting like this.

I can't handle it.

I can't handle it.

I can't handle it.

I'm losing my fucking mind.

I'm done.

A few Riley-isms

"Da', I need quarter." Apparently he wanted to play a video game.

"Targate! Targate!" While watching the opening credits of Stargate on the SciFi channel the other night. How he knew what it was when the opening credits for the ones we have on DVD are different is beyond me.

"I want un-wear." Yep, that's my boy, asking to wear underwear instead of a diaper. I'm a little sad. Ok, not really. I really want him to potty train NOW!

"Want Star! Want Star!" Yep, that would be my 3 year old asking for Starbucks.

"Want cossey." Yeah, coffee. He asks for coffee. And yes, sometimes he gets it. With a lot of milk! Basically, Riley likes a little coffee in his milk. :)

"Chitty Chat." That would be kitty cat to the rest of the world.

And in what world do cars fly? Oh yes, RILEY's world! lol

"Lisko" That would be him asking to hear Shiny Toy Guns. lol

I'll post more as I think of them.

Later