Not sure what to feel

I'm not sure what I feel, or what I should feel. Maybe Shawna said it best when she said that I was feeling two VERY intense emotions at the same time. And I am.

I am sad. Of COURSE I am sad. I'm not a monster. My Nana died. Of course I feel sad. But at the same time, I am happy. She was miserable. She was incoherent. She was yelling at my Dad in Italian the other day, calling him Frank. That's his Dad, who has been dead since well before I was born.

I remember being little, gosh Mom & Dad were married yet!, and being at her apt. She had a little parakeet and he was walking on the table while I ate toast with cinnamon and sugar. I remember her telling me that cookies and other baked goods taste better if you mix them by hand, with either a wooden spoon or a whisk. The only time I use an electric mixer for baked things is when I am making a really large amount. I do it all by hand. lol Even today.

I am going to miss her. But she has been failing. She has been miserable. She has been in pain. But now, now she is at peace. How nice. She is with family, her husband that she hasn't seen in decades, her daughter who only lived for 3 days, her son, her sister, her brother, she is with friends who have died before her. I am SURE that her and my Pop are fighting, as they always did. lol But she is with Jesus, she is in Heaven. I know that this is what she has been wanting.

While it might be odd to say . . . praise God for taking her.

Later.