Riley thinks...

that we live in Europe. Everytime he gives or gets kisses, it has to be one cheek, then the other. EVERYTIME! lol You can not kiss him on one cheek without kissing the other. And if you try to get away with only kissing one cheek, he turns his head and says "CHEEK!" It is so cute! He learned this from Oma & Opa when they got home from France.

They, of course, have to do things "European", while complaining about how liberal Europe is. I swear, somedays I just think that they are so insecure that they do these things to feel better about themselves. You know, "When we were in Istanbul" *IBEREH*** I just get so tired of it all! LOL

Anyway, this isn't supposed to be a rant about the IL's. lol It was supposed to be about something cute that the Riley-man does! So, I will leave the IL rant for another time!



**IBEREH--Insert Big Eye Rolling Emotionicon Here", as coined by a friend on BZ.

Tech support my #*(&!!!!!

Why is it that everytime I have had an issue with the computers for the university and I've called the help desk they tell me that it is MY FAULT!? EVERYTIME I have reported a problem, the problem self-corrects. Now, that cannot be MY computer "fixing" itself. I HATE THEM!!!!!! The first idiot I talked to tonight told me that I am stupid. In those words. Funny enough, WHILE TALKING TO HIM, the problem fixed itself. Yeah, my computer isn't going to start giving me error messages, FROM THEIR WEB SITE, that I have a virus and then magically make it go away!!!!!!! God, I need to be done with these frigging idiots. The 28th...that is the day that I am living for right now. I meet with that witch of an instructor I've had all semester and then I can be done and free from these idiots.

Except. Oh come now, you didn't think that there wouldn't be an except now would you? Ah, you know me too well. Except that I want to do my masters and it would be only five more classes. And I want to do it. It would be fun! LOL Yeah, ok, not really FUN, but fun to have a higher degree than Brad! LOL I'm a bitch, I know. No, that isn't the only reason I want to do it...I just want to. It may not make sense, but it's just a new goal. I guess my first goal should be to get a job though!

Oh well...I hate tech support. The one for the uni never really helps. But only 10 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Later!

I can't figure this one out!

Riley can say "hot". With no problem. He says it all the time. But the child will NOT say "hot dog". In fact, tonight he said "hot dot dog." He insists on calling them "dot dogs". Like I said, he can say "hot"! lol Tonight he actually TALKED to his hot dog before he ate it. "Hi dot dog." Then he would pop it in his mouth! Nothing like talking to your food! LOL

He did NOT want to go to bed tonight. He wasn't being naughty or anything, he just didn't want to sleep! He was in his bed, playing, it was cute. I don't know, it was one of those things that just doesn't bother me at all. I don't care if he falls asleep immediately or not. Tomorrow is a home day, so it doesn't matter. He can sleep in. And the later that he sleeps the happier Brad will be! I get to go workout in the morning. Then to breakfast with Shawna. It'll be nice.

We met with the urologist today. The vasectomy is Feb 29. YAY!!! Riley will go to my folks for the weekend because the dr doesn't want Brad to lift more than 10 lbs. This will just make it easier. Plus, since Brad isn't really a sit and relax kind of guy, we can go do things with out having to worry about Riley. Maybe we'll go see a movie or something. We will have to see how he's feeling, but we can get out without having to worry. :)

I bought Riley training pants today. We'll see if it works. Mom will try to see what happens when she has him. He will NOT sit on the potty for me at all. Under any circumstances. But he will for other people. Brat! LOL Maybe someone else will have to potty train him. DARN! LOL Talk about making MY life easier!

Later!

Conversation with a 35 year old

We just had a major storm. I was getting my hair done that day and Brad didn't want me to drive down the hill alone, so him & Riley came with me. He dropped me with Shawna after & him & Riley did a few errands. They drove over an area that had a little mud slide and Brad was telling me about it as we drove past the area a few days later.

Brad: Yeah, there was about 6 inches of mud here the other day when we drove home.

Me: Really...it was gone when Shawna drove me home.

Brad: Yeah, I had to put the van in 4-wheel drive.

Me: It has 4 wheel drive?

Brad: Well...it has 4 wheels. The back two are just lazy.


And this is my life. lol

Conversation with a 9 year old

So Brad & I stayed with Shawna & Kevins kids the other weekend for one night. We took the kids to church the next day, which meant taking two cars. On the way back to their house, the 7 yr old looks at me and says "He's (Brad) catching up to us! You gotta lose him!" So, I speed up somewhat and change lanes, no biggie. "He's gonna catch him! You gotta beat him home!" from the 7 year old.

The 9 year old, Boo, was in the front seat with me. Here's our conversation:

Boo: He's really competative.

Me: You're all really competative Boo.

Boo: Who's the least competative of us?

Me: Your Mom.

Boo: Who's the most competative?

Me: I don't know Boo, you're all really competative.

Boo: Me? Am I the most competative? You think it's me, don't you?

Me: I really don't know.

Boo: Are you sure? Are you sure that it isn't me?

Me: (thinking) No, maybe not the most competative but DEFINATELY the most STUBBORN! LOL

So today and yesterday I........

subbed with my last class. LOL Yep, I missed ONE DAY of school, then I was back there! I had a great time. Several of the teachers, and the secretary, told me that they had missed me the day that I wasn't there! I really will miss being there. I mean, I feel so comfortable and welcome. I just love all the teachers. I am subbing next week, for a half day, with the 5th grade. In Feb for the 4th grade for a half day, and for 3 days in March for 4th grade. One of the kinder teachers told me today that she's going to be mad if they don't hire me for fall!! She's going to write me a letter of recommendation and try to get as many of the teachers as possible to write ones for me as well. lol Can you just imagine me going in for an interview for one of the classes at the school with letters from half or more of the staff? LOL That would be brilliant!

Popcorn anyone?

Yeah, you don't want it in MY house! lol Brad & Riley are popcorn fiends! Riley can eat a whole snack bag himself. Now, before you say "Yeah, well, so can I!" remember that he is only 2! And he's only 25lbs. And 33 inches tall. He's a little guy!

So, last night, Brad made popcorn for them. Goes to the cabinet, grabs the popcorn butter...it's a powder that comes like a spice jar. Heck, you even buy it with the spices. Shakes a bunch on. Comes back into the living room. Takes a bite. "Shit." "What?", says I, the ever loving and concerned wife. "I think I grabbed the garlic salt instead of the popcorn butter." I didn't think anything of it. Until I could start smelling them! OMG!!! There was enough garlic in that popcorn to ward off Louis, Lestat, Claudia, Armand and the whole gang!!! Trust me, no vampire is coming near my house anytime soon!

I went to kiss Riley goodnight and almost gagged. :( Not good when you're the mommy. He still smelled like garlic after his nap today. :( He doesn't now...but when he first woke up he did.

My question to the both: WHY THE HECK DID YOU KEEP EATING IT!????????? LOL

Dot dog pease

Is what my DARLING 2 year old said to the waitress at lunch today! Dot dog...there is no cuter way to ask for a hot dog in my opinion! When someone else at our table was ordering, he tugged on my sleeve and said "I want dot dog pease!" Too cute! My little man, who is such a boy, is actually learning some manners! He sneezed the other day. I said "God bless you." He replied "Tanks!" LOL I mean, really! How cute! I hope that it lasts. I hope that he continues to be polite. But I am not holding my breath! All we can do is keep repeating how to say things politely.

It's been a while since I blogged. I was really busy with school ending, making candy for Christmas, being gone for Christmas, being gone for New Years Eve. Now we're home and we're staying home for a bit. Sort of. lol My back has been killing me for a while now. So I went to the chiropractor today. Tomorrow I get a massage, eye brow wax, & my hair cut & colored. YAY!!! I can't wait.

I am so thrilled to be done with school. I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe that I am DONE! Mostly!! I have to finish my portfolio. Which I am getting more pissed at my professor for not getting back to me about. I emailed her 5 of the 7 domains to be completed and I have not heard back on any of them. I understand that it has been the holidays, but this is bs. Especially given that she's been a flake about it all for a while now. I am actually putting together a novel, I mean LETTER, to the president of the uni because I am just so fed up and pissed off with them.

I don't know. I am sitting here, writing, chatting on IM with Blythe, and sipping hot chocolate with Baileys Irish Creme (YUM!), listening to a storm. I just put Riley down for the night. A bit later than normal, but he napped until 7 so how can I argue with him staying up late? Plus he had to shower with Daddy. Which was funny to hear. "It's COLD!" LOL Man, that kid knows his mind!

Alright, that's it for now. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed!!!

Later!

So much has happened

since I last blogged. On the 14th, our wedding anniversary, I started to bleed and I passed the baby. On the 15th, we left, as planned, for Disneyland.

The trip was a ton of fun. And I managed to hold it all together. Riley was so awesome. :) He LOVED the characters. He LOVED Pirates, he LOVED the Haunted Mansion. He LOVED LOVED LOVED the train. He was LIVID that he couldn't go on California Screaming though. Um, dude? You're just under 33 inches and you have to be 42 inches to go on that. You're 2...and it goes upside down! lol But he did want to go on it. He also wanted to go on the Matterhorn. And I think that he would have been ok, but he is too short for that too, by only 2 inches. Bummer. :( He was not at all scared of any of the characters. Or any of the rides. His favorite rides though were the train and Small World. It was a GREAT trip...much needed.

Got back to my folks on Fri so that we could go to Aunt Tina's 90th b-day party. Well, that just fucking sucked eggs. :( First, Steve and Danielle wouldn't really talk to either of us. I mean, Steve did talk to us, to go on and on about how he doesn't know how HE is going to handle it, having two kids. "I might have to get rid of my gaming stuff." Dang, we got rid of the X-Box right after Riley was born! Jeff came out from Boston, where he is living with his fiance. *shaking head* He's an idiot. He's known her for 3 months. They are engaged and she's pregnant. And of course, this was supposed to be kept from us because of all that we went through to get pg with Riley. *rolling eyes* It annoys me that they all think that we have to be treated with kid gloves about people being pregnant.

Anyway, I LOST it. I totally went off when I found out that my mother knew that Jeff's fiance was pg. Looked at her and said "What, do you think I'm stupid and I wouldn't have figured it out?" Went off on the whole "Well, we're so lucky to have Riley" and "At least you have Riley" comments. Oh yeah, cuz we're LUCKY to NOT have the other three? It just pisses me off. I cried pretty much the whole way home on Sunday.

Since then, I started my new class. I'm in a 1st/2nd combo. I don't know how well it is going to work for me. The teacher isn't super organized. She doesn't really have a plan book. She is just the opposite of Barbara. And I LIKE how Barb does stuff! lol

I am also getting a new supervisor. I don't feel that my current supervisor is helping me as much as she should be. I email with questions and don't get answers. She showed up over 20 minutes late for an observation that I had already put off for 4 days because she didn't want to drive up here twice in a week. Well, she ended up having to anyway! lol By that point I had put off that lesson for over a week.

Today, I'm home sick. I started getting a sore throat yesterday. It started around 10am. By 4pm, I had a headache, stiff neck and fever. I decided that since today is Halloween it was better to stay home today and sleep and rest than risk it getting worse. I slept till 11 and feel a TON better. Riley is at daycare, Brad is sleeping, it works. And I am feeling a ton better! Which means that I will be back at school tomorrow.

Ok, that's enough for now. :) There's crap going on with Monica and some shit she might be trying to pull with her wedding, but I'll write about that another day.

Later!

Or is it?

God, I cannot take much more of this. Went for the ultrasound today. Dr says "Hmm...you have a small deformity on your uterus that looks like a sac." Odd...of all the ultrasounds I've had I'd never heard this. We see something moving in the sac. He takes my wrist and starts counting "1......2......3......4......5......6......7......8......9......10" While looking at the monitor. Then he lets go of my wrist and, while staring at the screen starts counting "1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10". "Ok, I wanted to check. That is not your heartbeat. You've got a heartbeat in there!" WTH!!!???

So we go into his office and he was confused! He said "Well, I was planning to do the ultrasound and then talk to you about your options. But really, there are none. We don't know that this pregnancy is going to be ok. But you are definately still pregnant. It is possible that the lad made a mistake." Brad: "Could the lab have left a number off the results?" Dr: "Not likely, but it could have happened." Good Lord! When will this end???

They did another blood test and I am just waiting for them to call me with the results. I am tired of this ride...can it please be over now???

Over...

before it even began. My latest pregnancy that is. Last Wednesday my hormone levels were 1609. They were rerun today and they are 1718. They should be at least 6,400. I have an appt with the dr on Wed morning for a follow up and another ultrasound. We'll see. But basically, my gut feeling was right and this pregnancy isn't viable.

I never thought........

that I would be one of those people who isn't excited to be pregnant. I never thought that I would even RESENT being pregnant. But right now, I am. I AM resentful. This isn't what I wanted God. I wanted to be able to go to work in fall. I wanted to be teaching. I wanted to be able to save money, to be able to not worry every month about paying things. I know, all selfish. But we had started to make plans. Why does God think that my body is a playground?

I think some of this is just being in limbo. I found an OB. I saw the midwife on Wed. No real point to it. I have to have another c-sec. Not what I want. But they will tie my tubes. Which will be nice. No choice, the hospital doesn't do VBACs. Anyway, we did an ultrasound. It showed that I am 5 weeks. But all we could see was an empty sac. So I have another ultrasound scheduled for the 23rd. They also did the prenatal panel. My HCG is 1600. It was a TON higher with Riley. They are rerunning the HCG on Mon. So I will have the results on Tues. We'll see. I don't think that the pregnancy is viable. I just don't. I don't feel pregnant. I know that all pregnancies are different. I just am having a hard time this time.

I know that some of this is because I had moved on. I enjoy sleeping through the night. I enjoy the fact that Riley is more independent. I enjoy the fact that I can go out with my friends and I don't have to worry about nursing. I was enjoying the fact that I was going to have diapers behind me in about a year.

Don't get me wrong. IF this pregnancy is viable, I will adjust. It's just that right now, I feel like I can't get excited. I feel like I can't be happy. In case. Because I don't know how I would do it again. At the same time, I don't know that this is what I want. I didn't expect this. I mean, I know that doctors can be wrong. I'm not stupid. But when 3 different drs tell you that you have less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant without fertility treatment, when your risk of miscarriage is 85%, you believe them! You don't expect ONE surprise pregnancy, but TWO!?!?!? I mean, this is ridiculous!

I'm just stressed. I'm sure that as I adjust to this I will be fine. It's just hard right now. I don't know. It's a struggle. I don't really feel like I can talk to anyone about this. But I don't know that I would be as heart broken if I were to have another miscarriage. I thought that my 2nd one would kill me. I really did. I was so devastated. The first one was awful. Leaving the er that morning, in the rain, at about 2am...that was horrid. I will never forget how I felt that day. But this time...I just don't know. Maybe it's because I thought that I was done. I don't know what to do.

Ok, this was depressing enough. Hopefully we will have some answers soon.

Later.

I think I'm going to throw up

My period is a week late. Now, this is nothing unusual for ME. But I was also feeling more tired than normal and a little bit weepy and a bit nauseated. I took a test this morning and I am pregnant. I am also a little scared. With my history and all, it's a bit nerve racking. Now I have to find a new ob. Oh Lord. According to the web sites I am 5 weeks. That is still 4 weeks before I had my u/s with Riley to know that everything was ok. I hope that the new ob is willing to order an early u/s for me. I can guarantee that I will need it. Just for my own peace of mind I will need it. On the plus side, I am not avoiding meat yet!

Oh good God, what NEXT!?

Ok, let me give the FULL thing of what has gone on in the last week!

Last Mon I got a yeast infection. Second one in MY LIFE. So on Tues we trot off to WalMart and get me some Monistat. I decide that I suck at treating anything for more than a day or two at the most, so I'm gonna do the Monistat 1. I get ready to do it that night...BAM! Riley has a fever of 102. Ok...NOT treating the yeast infection.

So, Riley now has a fever...Brad takes Wed off work to stay home cuz I am the sub, so I can't call in. Wed night, I treat the infection. After a bit of a panic of trying to find someone, we get some friends to drive darn near an hour to come watch Riley. Make appt with Riley's dr for Fri.

Thurs...you wouldn't think that I had even treated the infection. Itching, burning and...well, gross! Thurs night...Riley's fever is 102.4*. Not fun.

Fri...I still have infection. Riley has no fever. Brad is off work. We drive to his dr appt. Dr checks the ears...nothing. Does a strep test...nothing. I mention the yeast infection and that I am now wondering if the fact that I bought pretty smelling liquid fabric softener instead of my no perfume/no dye stuff could do this? Dr says yes...buy normal kind, wash all underwear, retreat infection with at LEAST the 3 day kind because the 1 day is crap. Ok Doc! Brad gets BRILLIANT idea that we should go see my folks Sat after our friends dd's b-day...my folks who are about 2.5 hrs away. We have to be home Sun night because I teach Mon.

Sat...I rewash ALL my panties. Cuz I can't remember what had been washed the week before. Go to b-day party. B-day girl and her mother show up 1 hr late. ARGH! Drive to my folks. Find out Nana is in the hospital...again. ARGH! Go see movie with Brad while my Mom watches Riley, because Dad is at the hospital with HIS Mom. Nana (who is 92 years old, btw) had a nose bleed. Because of her blood thinners they couldn't stop the bleeding...so off to the hospital for plasma and 2 units of blood. Yeah.

Sun...Brad & Dad do all the brakes on the van. As well as a few other things. NICE!!! :) Leave after 8pm. Had needed to leave by 7. Oh well. The whole thing with Nana and all. Feel sick all the way home. Headache, leg aches, nauseated, the whole thing. Thinking..."crap! I have the math book, the reading book, the spelling stuff...CRAP! I have almost the whole day with me!" Didn't think I would make it in Mon. (I'm student teaching.)

Mon...woke up feeling tired but fine. YAY! Go off to school. Come home. "Hey hon! Oh, by the way...Riley's dr called. He has strep. The dr sent the prescription to (local pharmacy)." WHAT!?!?!?!? After all that he DOES have strep!

So, now he is on an antibiotic that I am not allowed to administer or touch! FUN!! I also have to throw out the spoon that we use to administer the meds with when he's done. Ah, the joys of being allergic to antibiotics!

So, quick recap...Nana, in the hospital. Wants to die. Me, yeast infection/allergic reaction...treated, washed, gone. Riley, sick...seems fine, eating like a horse, tormenting cats, playing with neighbor, etc etc etc yet on an antibiotic that might or might not be dangerous to the point of death for me. FUN!

On the positive side...we booked our trip to Disneyland for during my fall break!! YAY!!! Four nights in a BRAND NEW Marriot...three days in Disneyland and California Adventure. Oh yeah, and a week off school! And then I get a new class. But I will miss the one that I am in now.

Later!

Birthdays, school and rambling other stuff!

So, my ACTUAL birthday stank. But the following Saturday I went out with Jenn, Shawna, Whitney and Cathy. Shawna got a tat. A butterfly on her hip. Jenn got that little triangular part of the ear in front of the ear canal pierced. I got my belly button pierced. We got manicure and pedicures. They we went to dinner. After that we went back to Shawna's and the limo came and got us. We went to a club in downtown Sac. FUN!!! Limo driver was a cutie...Alex. From the Ukraine. Very nice guy.

School is awesome. My kids are great. Barbara (my Master Teacher) is at Science Camp this week with Linda and the 6th graders. So I am on my own for three days this week. A ton of fun!! Tomorrow my supervisor is coming to observe me teach math. Of course, my WORST subject! LOL But apparently, the kids did this stuff last year, so it is really a lot of review.

I am really in the right field. I am LOVE LOVE LOVING teaching! All the teachers there are great. Everyone is soooo willing to help me, so willing to answer questions that I might have. I would LOVE to be able to get Barbara's job for next year. Although I will have to find closer day care for Riley if I do.

Riley is sick. :( Last night he had a fever...102.2. Not good. Brad had to stay home today to be with him. I can't stay home tomorrow, and neither can Brad. So, Marc S. is coming up for the morning. Krista will come up later with the girls and take over for him. He will take the girls and go home.

Well, that's abou tit for now. Not much going on. :)

Later!

Totally forgot!

Oh yeah, yesterday was my birthday. I had to be at school from 9-4. Krista took Riley for me since Brad is on night shift. Shawnas girls got their black belts yesterday, but I had to be at school. It just sucked. Oh well. Brad is getting me my new camera for my birthday.

Been awhile!

Well, on Riley's b-day, the last day I wrote, we went to my folks. I was going to LA with Shawna, and Brad had to work. So my folks took Riley for the weekend. We got down to my folks and we had the family, Dave, Cathie, Jennifer, Aunt Tina and Gina over for cake. He got some train stuff, some clothes and some books. It was fun. Friday morning Brad & I had to get up at like 3 am to drive him back to work. Shawna was going to pick me up at the plant but things changed and she picked me up at home.

We got down to LA, getting a TON of looks...two hot chicks in a red 'Vette...yeah. :) We took a cab to House of Blues at DownTown Disney for dinner. Then we went to a club in downtown Fullerton. Got back to our hotel at almost 3am. lol Sat we went to her cousins bridal shower. Back to the hotel. Met her folks, bro and sil for dinner. Went shopping. Back to the hotel, another cab, back to downtown Fullerton. Got back to the hotel around 3. Again. Got up in the morning and drove home.

At the Grapevine, I called Mom to let her know where we were on our drive home. She told me that they didn't know if they were going to be able to drive me & Riley to Monterey the next day because Nana was in the hospital again. So, I called Brad and asked him to pick us up. He was almost to Monterey, so he went, checked into the hotel and drove back up to San Mateo. Poor guy. We got to Monterey at almost 10.

Monday, after Brads class, we went and walked around the Fisherman's Wharf. It was a ton of fun! That night we had a dinner for everyone at the conference. Met a few other wives that were there. Tues we had a breakfast, then I took Riley over to the kids club for the day that the conference runners organized. I wandered around, shopped, read, etc. That night was the dinner at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. VERY fun!!! The aquarium was closed to the public, so it was just the conference people. Idiots were leaving half drunk glasses of wine and bottles of beer around. Riley grabbed a couple and drank some of them.

Wed I went to a class at the Monterey Culinary Institute. Riley went to kids camp again. Then him & I had to drive home because I had to be at a district meeting Thurdays morning, really didn't need to be there. Oh well. Fri I went to a staff meeting at the school. That was nice to be there. Drove BACK down to drop Riley with my folks for the night. Got down to Monterey, Brad & I went to a pub for dinner. It was the first night we had alone since Riley was born. Got back to Mom & Dads on Sat to find out that Nana had gone BACK in the hospital Fri morning. That night there was a surprise party for Jennifers 21st b-day. Sun we came home, went grocery shopping and came home.

Mon was the first day of school, first day of me student teaching. :) I am in the 4th grade with Barbara Chasteen. TONS of fun! I am LOVING my class. They seem low academically, but they are great! I don't know where I will be for my next session, I am hoping with Toni Linde in a combo class. That will be neat to see how those are run.

The first 2 weeks of school are over. I am teaching reading, spelling and english right now. Later this week I will start math. I am having a lot of fun. It's a lot of hard work. I have to bust my tail. It's hard being back at work after 2 years home with Riley, but I think that it is good for both of us too. I hope that next school year he is potty trained and I can put him in preschool. I think that it would be good for him. I've even picked the preschool! LOL How's THAT for confident? Not only that but he's on the wait list for the school. :)

Oh well, that's pretty much got me caught up! lol

Later!

Two years ago

Dear Riley,

I cannot believe it. Two years ago, at this time, shortly after midnight, I arrived at Mercy General Hospital in Sacramento. My water had broken at just about 11pm. When we arrived, we were so optimistic that I would get to have the birth that I dreamed of. That I could do this with no meds. My water broke...that meant that my body was responding to you wanting out and I would not have to have that cesarean.

Yeah, not happening. Apparently, the whole getting pregnant thing being tough wasn't enough. Now the delivery was going to be difficult! My risk of miscarriage was 85%. 15% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. My risk was opposite.

I was so set on how I wanted my delivery to go. I wanted to be able to walk. I did not want medication, at all. I wanted my mom & dad, Brads mom & dad to come in and out of the room while I was in labor. I wanted Brad with me. Yeah, I was delusional. I hear about women who are chatting and laughing until it's time to push. That is what I wanted. I wanted to enjoy my delivery. Hey, chances are high this would be my only change to do this. I wanted it to go my way!

Ah, but my body. My body chose the way it wanted things to go. Instead of my body responding to the contractions, which had started on Friday night, my body did nothing. Yep. NOTHING. I didn't even dialate to a one. Not even a ONE! I mean, that should have been easy enough, right? Yeah, guess not! Oh well.

Fortunately, my doctor was sympathetic. Instead of making me wait from midnight until the time of my planned c-section at 7:30am, he came in and did it then. So, my amazing little boy, you made your entrance in the middle of the night...just like I did. 2:32am. I did not get the birth that I wanted. But I got my boy. And really, isn't what is important that you were born healthy? I guess that it doesn't matter that the dr had to cut me open, messing up my stomach muscles so that I have no control over my lower stomach, or the fact that even now, 2 years later, I still have numb spots on my lower stomach. I have my little boy.

And you are an amazing little boy. You are so happy. You are so loving. You are sweet, gentle, rough and tumble all in one. One minute, you're tackling the cat. The next, you want to cover my face in kisses. You love to jump, and run and play with your "trai", your trains. What can be cuter than a child trying to drag a cat around the house by his tail when the cat is almost as big as the child is? Oh, I know. That same child having a nightmare and the ONLY thing that can calm him is petting that same cat. As the cat lays there, purring.

You was born...isn't that all that matters? Do I wish that your birth went differently? No, not anymore. Once my friends are done having kids, and most are, no one will talk about how our babies were born until THEY are having babies. Then it might come up that I had a c-section. But who cares? It was the birth that was meant to be. What more can be said?

So, happy birthday my little man. I love you so much. You are a joy to be Mommy to. Complete strangers love you. I get comments literally every time we go out about how adorable you are. People on elevators try to make you laugh. Mom's in hotel lobbies give you lollies that they just bought for their children. Parents outside the ice cream shop in Martell love to watch you play on the grass with their children. And watching you reminds them of what their babies were like at your age. Waitresses at restaurants hug you. Tom, the owner up at Incahoots on the corner, sits and talks to your Dad and plays with your hair. Your Grandpa and Grandma do silly things, like put your picture on the couch to watch baseball with you. Your Opa got in trouble for picking you up recently because he wasn't supposed to after his surgery. But "I just can't help it!" is what he tells us.

Oh my boy, you are a joy. You have been given a gift. That gift is the gift of lovability. Everyone who sees you falls in love with you. But none of them can ever love you more than me and your Dad. We love you little man. Happy second birthday. I pray that you remain as happy as you are now.

Love,
Mommy

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my interview for student teaching. It makes ZERO sense to me that I do not interview with the district. I interview with my uni. How weird is that? LOL I just don't get it. How does the district know that they want me? I mean, I'm confident that I will do well. Ok, I'm not confident about that. I am really freaked out that I will suck at teaching. I'm scared. I don't KNOW that I will be good at this. It's the only thing I've wanted to do. What if I suck at it? What if the kids make me cry? What if no one will hire me? I'm fucking FREAKED! I hate job interviews, especially one like this that is weird. I don't know...what if, what if, what if.

This just scares me. I don't like having to leave Riley with a day care person. I don't want to do that. I want to be home with him. That's where I should be. I didn't know that the program would be this short. I thought that I would have another year before student teaching. I've wanted to be a mom for so long, and now that I am, what am I going to do? Take care of other peoples kids and leaving mine with someone else. I'm just stressed. I need some down time before school starts.

And speaking of school starting, what the hell is up with that? School starts Aug 13! What the hell!? What happened to starting after Labor Day?

Ok, I need to stop stressing. I think that a massage is called for! :) Hopefully soon.

Later!

Had fun

The company party was so much fun!! We met Jeff, Michelle (didn't know they're a couple!), and some guy and his wife Rosa, and Joe's Crab Shack. Had some snacks & drinks. Went and decorated our three tables on the boat. I got to meet the main bosses wife and the plants liason from the local power company and his wife. Her and I TOTALLY hit it off! LOL I made some comment to Brad about not wanting a margarita because they wouldn't have Patron on the boat and this ended up being a conversation about different types of tequila. Turns out they not only had Patron, it was the only tequila they had! LOL So, all the women, except Rosa who is nursing and J who is pg, had them. Apparently, I am really fun & Laurie, the liasons wife, wants to get together. Ooookay! LOL Hey, getting in good with the hubby's bosses wife can't be BAD right?

Riley did good with Marianne babysitting him. They seemed to have fun. Even if she burned the pizza & cut it with scissors. And made Kool-Aid in the wrong pitcher, so it was horridly weak! LOL Oh well...they had fun. That is all that matters.

Went and saw "Evan Almighty" today with S. She was taking her daughter B and 2 of B's friends. It was a good movie. The girls were laughing so hard!

Now I'm home, Riley is playing with his Duplos. Brad is at the bar with S's hubby, K. They both need to get out. They are still having serious issues in their marriage. I really hope that they can work through it all.

Oh, and my class from last month? FINALLY got grades! And I passed the RICA. YAY!!!

Later!!