Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I have to admit it.

Sometimes, I feel like a crappy mom. I am not quick to jump on the floor to play, I HATE having Riley in the kitchen when I cook. I don't like having him help me. Part of that is the fact that the kitchen is so small. It's hard to have the room in our kitchen to have him "help".

Sometimes, I feel like a crappy wife. I don't like to do laundry. I hate most household chores. I don't mind cleaning the bathroom, as odd as that is. And I *like* having everything clean. But I feel like it gets so messed up so fast. So I get fed up and don't want to bother.

I know some of it is the depression. I know that. I need to get better at taking my meds. I forget to take them a lot. Well, most days I forget.

I want to be a better mom. I want to not be yelling. I want to be fun. But I'm not sure that is me. I want to be more confident taking Riley out by myself.

I want to be more like Michelle Duggar. Wonder how she'd feel about that? lol She is so calm with the kids. She is so confident as a mom. I know that she doesn't all her own laundry or housework, the kids help (as they should!). But come on, I can't even keep an 1100 sq foot house clean!

So my prayer tonight? For God to make me more like her. Calm, mellow, relaxed, focused on Him. Maybe that is her secret. Her focus on God. Maybe I need to stop more and pray. Ask Him to help me. I'll have to try that. And taking my meds. Because I believe that the reason He gives us the knowledge for medicine like we have is to help ourselves.