More on the hearing thing

Well, the office that the pedi referred us to says that they aren't the place to do the testing for an auditory processing disorder. But they directed me to a place that would. The woman who runs that clinic is THE researcher in APD. I spent about an hour on the phone. He doesn't have ADD/ADHD. He isn't on spectrum as a classmates mother suggested. (Which wasn't even a concern for me.) Here's the problem. They don't test for this until they're 7. So we have another year. *sigh*


I don't know what to do. We have to wait a year. Another year with too many kids in his class. Another year where he can't focus in class. I am so PISSED that we have this debt that makes it so we can't afford the private school. I would love to be able to put him in a private school, especially with the class sizes they have. Last years kinder class had FOUR KIDS. FOUR.


I have a thought for paying things off. But I don't know if we can do it. Brad & I will have to talk about it. A lot. Hopefully we can. I want him in private school.


All the things that his kinder teacher says that he can't do, he can do just fine without 29 other kids making noise. I'm so frustrated.

The inlaws

Well, where to start.

My in laws have never been really involved. Demanding of time? Yes. They would expect us to do for them, and usually it wasn't an issue to do them. But if it was an issue it was a huge sigh and this whole “Oh, we don't know what we will do!” Brad was often guilted into spraying the vineyard because “Oh, we can't afford to hire someone!” Yes, he got paid. But no where near as much as they would pay a vineyard employee.

After Riley was born we thought that they would want to be involved. But they didn't. We would invite them to things and they couldn't be bothered. In fact, after knowing the dates of both my baby showers, she made plans for them to be on trips both of those weekends. They never said no to babysitting, except the time that I didn't know they were coming back the night before. But they never made an effort to see him. Even when we lived across the street.

Last summer when everything was going on with my dad they were pretty good. Calling regularly to check on things, offering to run food over, things like that. So they were good there. They were supposed to leave 4 days before the funeral but they rescheduled their trip, paying the fees associated with changing your tickets like that. So again, really good. No one expected them to do that.

She decided to host Thanksgiving, which was fine. Everyone was there, my mom, Ty & Gab, some friends of theirs. A lot of fun. Although I don't think she was thrilled that my pies were totally gone and her's was barely touched. But that is when it all started. That was when they informed T & G that they were staying with them for a month, from when their house closed in early Dec until they left for France in Jan. No, they did not ask, they informed. Keep in mind they knew full well that G's parents and her brother & his wife were coming for Christmas. Not to mention that their lease specifies no guests for more than 2 weeks.

So during this time T & G asked them if it would be possible for them to stay somewhere else while her family was visiting, for one week of it not both weeks. Reasonable? We all think so! The inlaws, however, did not find it reasonable to be asked to stay somewhere else when everyone had known since summer that these other house guests were coming. You would have thought that they were thrown out in the snow! Never mind that G had pretty much set something up for them (something that they had said they had inquired about but hadn't). They ended up staying there the rest of the time. Christmas Eve was rather . . . tense. Lol

They came to T & G's on Christmas, but barely talked to us. Whatever. On Christmas day they were invited to my mom's for lunch/dinner & to T & G's for breakfast. They quickly stopped by both places on their way to the hotel they were staying in. When they stopped at my Mom's he made the comment “Oh, I guess the recession didn't hit here” in regard to the toys and gifts Riley was given. Keep in mind those gifts were from so many different places. It wasn't like they were all from us! But whatever, he can piss off. They didn't even stay long enough to see my mom who was getting dressed. They called when they were 5 minutes away.

So off they went to France. No biggie. We only heard from them if they wanted/needed something. Typical. When they got back they were going to stay with T & G for a week before heading to Maine. Then they decided to stay at a hotel near their storage unit. Fine. Then they decided to stay with T & G. Whatever. They left for Maine.

They had bought a boat in Southern California and were having some work done on it while in France. The work wasn't done when they were leaving, so they left the boat. Then the guy stopped returning their calls, they couldn't reach anyone. They got a call from a gal who worked at the shop that the shop was locked down by the police and the owner was on the run from the cops. Brad went down & was able to do some inquiring and could see the boat. A few phone calls later and FIL flew out to see if he could get the boat. Totally put G out by staying there and just generally being rude. And this is where everything went to hell.

He arrived Wed night. That night J invited him to his baseball came Thurs night. He promised. He promised his grandson that he would go to the game. Then Thurs came. He went & was able to get the boat. Great. Back to the house where he informed T & G that he wouldn't be staying that night. MIL would be flying in & they were going to head back to Maine. He left 20 minutes before the kids got home. So he didn't even have the balls to tell J himself that he wasn't staying, he left that to Ty.

And they didn't even leave that night. Nope. They went to a hotel & stayed there for the night.

In the midst of all of this there were texts back & forth with Brad & his mom about how they were here and he couldn't believe they weren't seeing the kids, how Riley wanted to see them. But you know, they had contractors coming. Oh yes, God forbid the contractors don't have you there. Heaven forbid you don't see your grandsons. Assholes.

So now we're at a point where pretty much no one is talking to them. We are all so sick of it. I don't care if I ever see them again. I'm so tired of this crap. So tired of it all being about them. They don't care about any of us. They never care if they see us or their grandsons. I have no respect for them anymore. None. And yet as I meet people & they hear my last name they rave about how great of a teacher she was. And I have to smile and nod.

I'm so done with them.

*SIGH*

Well, apparently Riley peed through his diaper again last night. He'll be 6 in Aug and he has woken up dry 3 times. And all 3 times he was sick. We've gone without diapers, he pees and doesn't wake up when he does it. He can lay in a puddle of pee and not wake up. He just doesn't wake up.

We've tried waking him when we go to bed. He either doesn't wake enough to pee or he wakes all the way up & wants to go play. We've tried the nothing to drink after a certain time. Doesn't work. We just don't have the ability to let him be thirsty when he wants a drink.

At a loss. Obviously he isn't ready to be dry all night. I just don't know if we should be "pushing" this in some way or what. *sigh* I don't know.

Fun wake up call

Got woken up this morning around 2-2:30 by this weird noise. Took a minute to figure out that Riley was laughing. I thought "Crap! He's awake!" No, no he wasn't. He was laughing in his sleep. Truly laughing, deep, belly laughing in his sleep.

What a great way to wake up.

Let's go fly a kite . . .

Except that it's raining. Again. June 4 and we've had rain, hail, thunderstorms and tornadoes this last week. It's raining right now. At least the weather was nice for games yesterday for Riley's last day of school.

Since we can't enjoy the first day of summer vacation outside I guess we'll go to Mary Poppins. Ok, we've had the tickets for weeks. It will be fun. Riley's first live performance!

A visit with the pediatrician

Saw the pedi today. I wanted R's ears checked again because the other pedi said the tube in his left ear was compressed and it could have been allergies or from the infection. I also was helping in R's class one day & he was kind of freaking out when it got loud & I was thinking he might have some sensory issues. Even though no dr has said that I do, I know that I do. I get overwhelmed in large crowds, I can't handle tags, I can't handle seams in my socks, stuff like that.

I explained to the dr what I saw, what he has said about not being able to work because everyone is talking, stuff like that. The pedi thinks he has an auditory processing disorder. Basically, when there is all the other noises he just CAN NOT focus. It isn't that he doesn't want to focus, he literally CAN NOT focus. There is therapy, but most insurances don't consider it to be medical so it isn't covered. Plus the pedi thinks that he'll outgrow it. No, that isn't right. Not that he will outgrow it, but that he will learn to work with it. Like so many of us did.

Oh, and I brought up the ADD/ADHD thing that I know his teacher thinks he has. Yeah, he doesn't even find it worth considering, which I agree with.

It's been a while

It has been a while since I blogged. Ok, an entire year. It's been on hell of a fucked up year.

My dad died. Complete & total shock. He was in pain, all the time. His back hurt. Constantly. He went to the dr who did an x-ray & saw something that made him think Dad had cancer. Dad made an appt with an oncologist, but he never made it.

Riley did the summer Bridge to Kindergarten program last summer. It ended on a Thurs. On Fri we took the train to Reno with the DeWalt's. We came home on Sat. On Tues I noticed the cat bleeding from the side of his mouth. Off to the vet to learn that he'd been bit by a Brown Recluse spider.

On Thurs Mom called because we were supposed to be going shopping. She wanted me to come early because she thought that Dad had had a stroke. So, down to Folsom I headed. It was clear that he'd had a stroke.

I can't talk about it all right now. Let's just say that Dad got worse & worse and 10 days after he went to the hospital he died from complications from the stroke. Official cause of death is bowel rupture. But his dr is pretty sure that he had bone cancer.

So it's been a shitty year.

I have to admit it.

Sometimes, I feel like a crappy mom. I am not quick to jump on the floor to play, I HATE having Riley in the kitchen when I cook. I don't like having him help me. Part of that is the fact that the kitchen is so small. It's hard to have the room in our kitchen to have him "help".

Sometimes, I feel like a crappy wife. I don't like to do laundry. I hate most household chores. I don't mind cleaning the bathroom, as odd as that is. And I *like* having everything clean. But I feel like it gets so messed up so fast. So I get fed up and don't want to bother.

I know some of it is the depression. I know that. I need to get better at taking my meds. I forget to take them a lot. Well, most days I forget.

I want to be a better mom. I want to not be yelling. I want to be fun. But I'm not sure that is me. I want to be more confident taking Riley out by myself.

I want to be more like Michelle Duggar. Wonder how she'd feel about that? lol She is so calm with the kids. She is so confident as a mom. I know that she doesn't all her own laundry or housework, the kids help (as they should!). But come on, I can't even keep an 1100 sq foot house clean!

So my prayer tonight? For God to make me more like her. Calm, mellow, relaxed, focused on Him. Maybe that is her secret. Her focus on God. Maybe I need to stop more and pray. Ask Him to help me. I'll have to try that. And taking my meds. Because I believe that the reason He gives us the knowledge for medicine like we have is to help ourselves.

Conversations with a 4 1/2 yr old

Riley was jumping on Brad on the living room floor.


Me: Riley, be gentle. God only gives us one Daddy, you don't want to break him.

Riley: It's ok. I got glue!

MAJOR rant (will involve foul language)

I'm pissed. I am so tired of everyone coming to ME to bitch about every fucking aspect of their life, but when I'm upset where is everyone? No where. Not one asks, not one gives a shit. You know, I'm sorry that your marriage is going to pot. But you've been bitching about it for over a year. Do you not see that I am nearly in tears here? Do you not see that I am not returning your calls, emails, texts, etc? Or is this just blown off because Suzanne has depression issues?

Well you know what? It isn't all related to the depression. Sometimes, my husband is being a fucktard. Sometimes my kid is being demon spawn. And sometimes, it happens at the exact same fucking time. And sometimes, I need to vent. Sometimes I need someone, anyone, to look and see that I AM NOT OK. That I am about to break. Sometimes, every now & then, it would be nice to not be the one that everyone vents to, but to have people look at me & see that something is wrong and instead of venting about their fucking lives, like always, to FUCKING LISTEN!!!


IT ISN'T ALL ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!



Ok, vent over. I don't feel fine but a bit better.

I finished!!!!!!!

I finished the kitchen. YAY!!!!!! Next room, I think I'm going to tackle Riley's room. I was going to go room to room, but I decided instead that R's room needs to be cleaned. Of course, this means that I can't start till Mon when he's not home. I just can't do it when he's home. I mean, he doesn't want to get rid of stuff. He is such his dad's boy!


I'm feeling really frustrated with stupid people getting themselves pregnant. I mean, if you're in a not good time to get pregnant you have a couple of choices. Keep your legs closed or use birth control. To the lady at MOPs, I'm sorry that you're pregnant when you have a 5 month old. Must suck to be fertile. If you didn't want more kids right now, either refrain from sex or use birth control.


It just sucks when people get pregnant when they don't want to be. It can be prevented. Just don't be stupid & then bitch about it to ME.


Alright, more when I get started on the next room!

Last week

Last week was pure hell. I got nothing done at home. Heck, the laundry is still waiting to be put away.

Mon I worked. It was such a bad day that I was in bed around 9:30. I wanted to cry. It was awful.

Tues I worked again. Much better day, but I worked, came home, ate dinner, went to Bible study, came home, had to make a CPS report, went to bed.

Wed I ended up spending much of the day out at the power plant with the wife of a coworkers of Brads. When I got home, I was busy cleaning up cat pee off my floor.

Thurs I had to take Bismarck back to the vet, where he ended up spending the night for treatments.

Fri we had gymnastics. Then picked up Bis. Then had to go out to Roseville to buy jeans.

Sat we went to play in the snow with friends. That was a TON of fun! Can't wait to do that again!


So, this is a new week. My plan for today is to put away the dishes, do the upper cabinet, & put away laundry. At least some of it!

Wish me luck!

Well, that didn't work!

I worked Mon & Tues, so I have gotten nothing done here at home. Mon was such a bad day that I came home & wanted to cry. Today I got home, relaxed for a few minutes, had dinner & went to Bible Study. But tomorrow I will be home, so I hope to get stuff done.


Wish me luck! How are YOU doing on your cleaning/purging?

Not too bad!

So today I found a recipe for a bbq sauce that I can eat, no tomato. COOL! Except that I cannot believe it. In this house I have 4 kinds of vinegar: malt, distilled, white wine & balsamic. The recipe calls for red wine. Fortunately, Brad is awesome & went to the store for me. BUT because of looking for it, I got the upper left hand cabinets done. And, duh!, I did the upper right hand cabinets done yesterday.


Tomorrow my plan is to do the bottom cabinets, which won't take long cuz I did those when we had the mouse, and the upper cabinets on that side. I'm putting off the fridge till the end of the week, when I have less food in it! lol


Not doing too bad!

What I got done today

So I got up this morning and Brad & Riley were going to a train show. I did some stuff in the kitchen. Now I need to stop watching Say Yes to the Dress & get my butt on the Wii! lol

Left drawers
Right drawers
Towels
Cookbooks


To cheat, I did the drawers about a month ago when I replaced the liners. But I checked them, they are still good. :) So I am off to a good start! I did some other work in the gun rack, but I didn't separate it out, so I'm not listing all of it separately.

Here we go!!!

Alright, I decided that I am going to post my plan for organizing/decluttering each room. I am going to allow myself 2 weeks per room, because Riley is gone 2 days of the week, so that means that the other 5 I have him home. I also never really know my schedule day to day because I could get a 6:30am phone call to work. I figure if I finish in less than 2 weeks, good for me! If I take the full 2 weeks, oh well!

My plan is to start at one end of the house & work my way back. However, I am going to work in Riley's room when time allows because I can really only do his room when he isn't home (or when he's outside) and it is just BAD. I haven't cleaned it since before Halloween. I know, bad Mommy. But every time I start to work in there, we either have a party or he has friends over & it ends up looking like a bomb went off.

So, here is the kitchen list:
Upper left cabinet
Upper right cabinet
Lower cabinet
Upper cabinet
Left drawers
Right drawers
Oven drawer
Pot cabinet
Gun rack***
Tupperware
Towels
Cookbooks
Oven
Stove
Microwave
Fridge
Freezer

Keep in mind, this isn't a cleaning list. This is an "organize & get rid of" list. So things like "sweep" aren't going to be on here!

I don't have a list for Riley's room yet. It just needs to be gone through! I really should take pictures of it.

So I'm off. I feel the desire to work on the gun rack***!



***This is a converted gun rack that we got for $5. Brad knocked out the parts where the guns would lean against & built shelves for it. It now holds my dishes, wine glasses, dish towels, things like that.

Stealing an idea

So my friend Sara posted some goals for the year that she has. And I thought "Gee, that's a good idea! I should do that!" lol Keep me accountable if it's in writing. So, here goes.


1. Save money. Being cheaper and actually putting more money in savings.

2. Plan more ahead. Be ahead of the game for things like birthday parties and the such.

3. Organize this house. Room by room. And declutter while at it.

4. Work out. I was really good last year, till I got bronchitis. That kind of threw me off.

5. Get used to this new way of eating. Having to cut out tomato & onion is NOT an easy thing to do.

6. Less computer time. I don't think it is helping my depression at all.

Ok, that's what I've got for now. I will try to remember to post & update on how I'm doing!

Sad

We went to a birthday party yesterday. She will be 3 this week. She is a little taller than Riley, maybe about 40" tall. She weighs 63 lbs. Yep, that is not a typo. 63 lbs. It was so sad. She was out of breath, she couldn't climb up on things like the other kids, nothing. She couldn't run with the other kids, nothing. She isn't just fat. I'd say she's obese. It was so sad. And there is nothing that we can do.

People just suck.

I was supposed to scrap today. The idiot who was organizing it canceled it and failed to notify me. Yeah, I'm annoyed!

Do people REALLY believe this stuff?????

Had my MOPs meeting on Tues. I sat there in shock. I could not believe that one of the women was saying what she was saying. I couldn't believe that people still think this way!

We were talking about friendship, the importance of it, maintaining friendships, stuff like that. This woman was telling us about her "best friend"* who is a lesbian. Who she doesn't want her kids around because "I don't want them around things like that". WTF!?!?!? People still think this way? And VOCALIZE IT!? In a room full of people who they barely know? I was in shock! She also said that she wants her kids around people who think like they (I assume her & her husband) do so that the kids know that as normal. Again: WTF!?!?!?

I want my kid around people who DON'T think like I do! I want him to learn about different thoughts, religions, views. I want him to be educated enough to be able to make his own decisions as he grows. It doesn't mean that I don't teach him about what we believe or that he doesn't go to church with us. But I want him to learn, from a young age, that not everyone thinks like we do.

This woman acted like gay was contagious. I think most reasonable people don't believe that. But this was nuts. And the fact that she says this is her "best friend"? How weird to me! I can't imagine not wanting my child around my friends. The only time I wouldn't want my child around a friend is if they were a child molester or abuser. And I wouldn't be friends with someone like that! Makes no sense to me!

Am I off base here?